Simple Steps to Bring Ease into Your Relationships

Do you ever find yourself saying or thinking “I want to be understood. I don’t want to be judged, I want to be seen for who I am”?

You’ve grown, changed your mindset, and have embarked on a journey of the mind and body that’s all your own, right? But still your friends, family, partners or co-workers just don’t get it — or you.

You know their dismissiveness is leading them nowhere.

You wish they could just read that book that changed your life, hit up a yoga class, or maybe just try out meditation for once. You tell yourself you want so much more for them.

Which brings us to the question of desire (not in the sexual way – in the sense of wanting in general). Many religions & spiritual scriptures claim desire is a negative emotion – even sinful – but I don’t see it that way. We live our days in natural a cycle of desire and gratification.

Thirst is desire. Hunger is desire. We desire companionship, love and appreciation for our true selves. Desire is part of being human.

But where does it go wrong?  

Desire becomes an issue when we focus all of our attention on what we’re not  getting. We begin comparing ourselves to others. Envy and resentment start to creep in. Inner peace begins to dissolve.

Everyone has been there – I’m definitely G U I L T Y too!

Anytime I hear someone say “I’m trying to take the high road, but my friends or family are not on my level”, that’s a BIG red flag. A red flag of judgement.

That person doesn’t want to be judged, yet they judge these people just the same. Ouch!
We’re all guilty of this, but we can turn it around. (can you see yourself here?)

What do you want from those you love?

What do you expect from others? Check your tender spots, the things you feel you’re missing out on. It usually goes something like this: non-competitiveness, unconditional love, understanding, presence, kindness, the ability to hear what’s being said even if you don’t agree… the list goes on. But you must see that you – and only you – can fill in that space and turn it around.

It starts by following your own rules.

If you’re not getting something, it may be because you’re not giving it. You are the one who  teach others how to treat you.

When you change how you show up, love and care for someone, then they will shift and change along with you. Though I can’t tell you when, it will inevitably happen. Take it day by day.

Spiritual Re-posturing

Show up to any situation knowing that you are the divine meeting the divine. From there, give what you want to get. Be loving, understanding, non-judgmental. Be kind, and see everyone for who they are beyond their challenges.

It’s possible your adversaries haven’t learned the lessons you have. In that case, you should aim to be even more compassionate. It’s as if you are meeting an old version of yourself.

What you should do now:

1. Take on this challenge like your life depends on it! What’s a quality you’ve been complaining that you’re not receiving?
2. Take this one quality, and start giving it to others. For example, stop judging them for what they eat, watch or read…
3. I want to hear from you. Do you agree or disagree? Let me know in the comments below what you are going to start doing to teach others how to treat you.

And for bonus points… share this post with your friends, family or co-workers to bring more ease into your relationships.

xo,

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Comments

  1. xo Thanks for the reminder love. :)
    Kait recently posted…Looking Forward: WC EditionMy Profile

  2. Hi Hillary,
    Amen! If you’re not getting what you want you may not be giving it. Brilliant!!
    Thanks for the great reminder.
    Xoxo, Suzanne
    Suzanne recently posted…PlaytimeMy Profile

  3. Hillary, you are so right! It is so easy to judge others and not take a good long look at yourself! It is very easy to get frustrated when those around you don’t embrace your dreams and aspirations with the same passion but are they likey to? After all those dreams aren’t theirs! Thanks for a lovely post!

  4. Bring on more ease. Yes! It is welcome to hear your inner voice and find it echos my own. Great tip to treat others as if you are meeting your old self.
    I still struggle with knowing what I want and cultivating a great relationship with myself. I have the tools and yes compassion is key.
    While I’m not sure the thing you mentioned are simple to do, I love your advice and encouragement. I appreciate how you make me feel empowered. Now I want to do that for myself. Thanks for your ability to spread the word.
    Lucy recently posted…Web Designer and Programmer SynergyMy Profile

    • Hillary Rubin says:

      Thanks Lucy, glad you enjoyed it. you can do this for yourself and just step into what you need to feel safe, what you want from others and then start doing it for yourself? make sense? Let me know, Hillary

  5. Thank you Hillary!

    Agreed. I’ve started allowing myself the permission to let me guard down and trust that I am supported day to day! I realize that when I communicate more effectively like my life depends on it, it is of a great sense of ease and relief! I start to see that I trust in the universe more and feel more supported even when I can’t see it right now! I also know that when I express my truth from this safe space, I set free of my complaining to start accepting that I need to teach others how to treat me in both my life + work. Through developing my communication (soft) skills, I know I can start giving back to others the quality that I seek to receive in any challenge.

    • Hillary Rubin says:

      You are welcome Dey! Permission is key here… and love how you are trusting more. Keep it up soul sister! xxoo Hillary

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