only to get feedback that sounds like…
“That’s already been done.”
“Oh, it’s too commercial.”
“Who would want that?”
…or you didn’t get the job, or your partner ended
your business relationship? (or love relationship) It hurts. I’ve been rejected many, many times
and recently with shopping my book around
been getting some practice.
What I’ve noticed is there is a deeper pain that comes of it.
It’s no secret that rejection hurts...
The key is not to get caught up in that pain for too long. Did you know that the word rejection was first used in 1415? It meant “to throw back” (thank you, Oxford Dictionary).
It makes sense, right? If something isn’t up to par, it goes back to be made better. For example, when you’re putting together an outfit but you just don’t like how it feels or looks, what do you do? You reject it, and go try something else on, right?
It’s easy to do it yourself, but when a third party is making the call, the ego gets involved. We all want to be loved and have our creations, ideas, and visions be accepted. But the simple fact of the matter is that some of the time they won’t be. And that’s a scary prospect.
Don’t let the fear get you. When rejection comes your way, see it as a stop sign instead of the end of the road. Pause, look both ways, and proceed to your destination.
I recently read in Psychology Today that neuroscientists are exploring the way our feelings of rejection relate to physical pain.
“The consensus has been that brain regions related to the affective component of physical pain (the aversive feeling of it) also underlie social rejection, while brain regions involved in our sensory experience of pain (the physical feeling of being hurt) do not. However, in a paper published recently in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers found that being rejected – when that rejection is intense enough – recruits brain regions involved in both the affective and physical sense of pain.”
To sum it up, being rejected does really hurt – the body never lies.
“When you’re following your inner voice, doors tend to eventually open for you, even if they mostly slam at first.” – Kelly Cutrone click to tweet this quote…
(psst… something you don’t know about me: I opened Kelly’s NY PR office back in the 90’s!)
How to prep yourself for the big “R” shows up.
When it comes to presenting an idea, asking someone’s opinion, making a request, or putting yourself into any area where you may be rejected, have bookends.
Bookends are so powerful. They enable you to be prepared, and have a safe container of your before and after. They’ll keep you from feeling like you’re hanging over a ledge, about to fall into the abyss if things don’t go your way.
The before bookend: Pre appointment, meeting, call or presentation.
Before start whatever it is you have planned, do something that centers you, lights you up and sets you up to KNOW you are unstoppable. I like to challenge myself by doing a series of sprints, or remind myself what I already have overcome in my life.
The after bookend: Post appointment, meeting, call or presentation
Note: whether it’s the news you wanted or not, you must have this in place or this will not work.
Set up a way to celebrate, no matter what the outcome is. Go for dinner, take your fave yoga class, or treat yourself to that simple pair of earrings you’ve had your eye on. Create a sacred meaning for yourself.
Do whatever lights you up here, because you deserve it.
Most important: no matter how it plays out, make sure you have your bookends set.
Some ideas for meeting the BIG “R” head-on: Set up a time to talk to a friend who believes in you. Have your session with your coach. Have a date night with your partner or a friend. Take a class that moves your body. Create a file of your best feedback, like a “This is Why I Rock” file.
And always, always MOVE TOWARDS THE LOVE.
Here’s what you must to do next to be the success you are meant to be:
You should in the driver’s seat of your life. When you avoid doing something because you think you might be rejected, you’re letting fear and ego take the over. Are you ready to put both of your hands on the wheel for good? Or will you be left hanging the next time that meeting, idea or presentation doesn’t go your way?
You deserve to move forward, and the world is waiting for you. Are you ready?
Because you are smart and creative – here’s what I want you to do next:
1. List out your Bookend befores and afters. Pinpoint any places you may be rejected, then make a date and create this container for yourself. Put it into action!
2. Then, if you are on board to use this easy tip, print this post out. Or if you’re an activator, let me know how it went for you in the comments below.
3. Finally, if you are ready to take the first step towards a happy, more productive life, then I am inviting you to join me to turn your life/career around click here to find out how.
Lots of love to you sister.
Your angel of fire,