You get up, go to work and on this one day you have the opportunity to spend it doing something else; something other than your “job”. Something that you think may just be what you want to do for the rest of your life.
Then, at the end of the day, you feel exhausted, tired and have no idea why. No matter what you do, you’re tired. Your body wants to sleep and you feel inconvenienced by your fatigue. You’re confused because you were hopeful that one day this would have been something you would want to do with your life.
You pushed through the day and now you’re thinking: “I can’t do this. My body can’t handle it.” And now you are stuck in the job you have. ;(
So you blame it as a symptom of a disease, forgetting about what happened a few weeks earlier. You forget that you just broke up with a guy you really liked—who seemed to be Mr. Right on paper, but showed he was not an ideal partner for your choice of lifestyle. You forget that you were depressed. You forget feeling it was the hardest break up ever.
Instead, you beat yourself up. You wonder what is wrong with you. You ignore how your body feels and push forward anyway. You stop taking care of yourself—even though you know what is best for you to do.
You feel that you just can’t win.
Can you relate to any part of this story? This is what one of my clients shared with me on the last group coaching call in my Inner Circle Mastery program.
Was it all true? Yes it was—she just couldn’t win in what she experienced. She told herself a story, believed it and the evidence proved that she was right: she could not win and she did not know why. Her fallback was a diagnosis of MS [Multiple Sclerosis]. She saw the sole root of her fatigue stemmed only from her diagnosis.
When you’re given a diagnosis, it’s easy to fall into the trap of using it as the default problem whenever you do not feel good. Basically, it gives you somewhere to place blame for feeling like you just can’t win—ever—and allows you to continue believing your story is right.
This is not isolated to just having a diagnosis to deal with. It happens most of the time when there’s a crisis that changes how we live our life. It can be a breakup, divorce, loss of job, abuse—basically any place we feel we are defeated due to something we then keep using as the excuse.
Watch out when you’re in a defeated state because it’s easy to slip into “victim mode” and not even realize it.
I know—when you’re the in thick of it, it’s not as easy to see that you are even doing it. Perspective is everything. Next, I will share with you the steps I use myself and with my clients when they feel like life is against them in some way.
One: Take a Step Back
Remove yourself from the story. Give yourself space. Listen to what you feel is the cause of this. (You may have to take a break and get some fresh air and move your body to move the stagnate energy around to help you.)
Two: Is it True?
Ask yourself out loud a few times, “Is it true that I can’t win?” (Most likely a “yes” comes, followed by a “well – maybe”, then next a “hey, that’s so not true”.)
Three: Seek the Evidence
Look at what else has happened, beyond this one isolated incident, that may be the underlying cause of feeling this way. Come from an objective point of view. Take it on like an investigator. What else could be contributing to your feeling this way?
[Note: If, as you are reading this, you want to go back and do the steps, take some time to get clear before you move on to this next part.]
Now after you did those steps let’s go a bit deeper.
Check in to see:
- Have you created a habit to blame this one thing for everything not working for you?
- Are you showing up for the NO’s instead of the YES’s?
- Are you ignoring what your body wants or is asking (or screaming—to get you to finally pay attention) you for?
- Are you beating yourself up for feeling the way you are?
- Are you wanting to keep the story of “not winning” alive?
Finding any clues here where you can turn this feeling of defeat around?
After working with my client in the Inner Circle Program through using these steps, she was able to recognize how she frequently used her diagnosis as her excuse; more than anything else.
This was her “go-to point” that evolved into her crutch; totally discounting what else happened. So she freed herself of this way of thinking. It can be pretty simple when you actually take a step back to look at what you are telling yourself, and how it plays out to make you right every time.
What story are you stuck in keeping, that you are now ready to release in order to begin to feel like you are winning everyday in your life?
I’d love to hear what came up for you after taking these steps. Make sure to take that baby step and leave a comment below. (That baby step is one step away from feeling you can’t win, and one step closer to discovering how to be more self-reliant.)
Ps: Curious? Want more information about my next Inner Circle Mastery program starting this June? Click here to find out all the deets!