Especially when you are at an event, party or with
a community of people? Be honest here.
No one else is listening to your thoughts, but You.
Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert your
ego spends time wanting to be liked. It just does.
It’s not your fault. This is true for every human on
the planet. As humans we all want to feel significant
because it’s one of our needs.
Some of us love meeting new people, some of us don’t.
I’m headed out today to a really fun conference called World Domination Summit happening in Oregon over the July 4th weekend. This year there are going to be 3000 people attending with lot of events going on.
It will be a ton of fun and great way to practice what I’m sharing with you today. I love meeting new people and also want everyone to like me. There I said it. That feels so much better.
I will admit this has been a big struggle of mine for most of my life.
I’ve learned over the years this comes from a deep need to feel significant and to belong. I’ve wasted so much of my energy feeling anxiety around being liked.
On the outside no one knew since I show a lot of confidence when I’m in groups. But it was a pain inside of me no one was aware of. Woo is one of my strengths and to summarize what this means, I basically get energized from meeting new people.
Can be a bit of a challenge when I want everyone to like me.
I’d even do and say awkward things that made me feel like a fool or seem insensitive to others. I would also try to be everywhere at once to not “miss out”. Insert feelings of being very vulnerable right now telling you this.
I have had many moments of feeling inadequate and like I didn’t deserve to be among such great people. Call me crazy. I know it was just my ‘kookalookie’ thinking meshed with old wounds of not being enough.
Can you relate?
Instead of being present to what was happening in front of me at an event or party or gathering I’d be busy wasting my energy on some unhealthy ways to feel significant.
7 Sneaky Ways The Ego Behaves to Feel Significant:
1. Be busy with feeling guilty.
2. Tell ourselves we don’t belong.
3. Obsess over why we are not good enough.
4. Focus on what is lacking in the moment.
5. Get caught up with what others MAY be thinking about us.
6. Wonder what we did wrong and why someone does not like us.
7. We go on a complain or blame fest until we feel sick to our stomachs.
All of us want to be liked and have our own ways to cope with this. It’s so easy to get addicted to this ‘kookalookie’ cycle of creating stories around why people don’t like us. This is just outdated behavior that needs to go.
When we create an unhealthy scenario in our heads we make it our reality, even if it’s a lie, so we can justify our feelings of not being liked.
What gets even more interesting is…
We end up creating the very feeling of being SIGNIFICANT from the pain we create in our heads. Now this is CRAZY MAKING. Many of us end up creating drama only to reject ourselves before anyone can invite us in.
“The only difference between a group of strangers and a group of friends is that the friends benefited from someone willing to go first.” – Seth Godin
You have an important decision to make.
Are you going to waste your energy wondering why you are not liked by everyone or get caught up in the ego’s way it gets you? (I’m guessing no here.)
Or are you going to put your energy to good use and focus on who embraces you for who you are right now?
I suggest you keep your mind focused on what is happening in the moment and on what or who is showing up in your world that embraces you for who you are.
This does take practice and I know you can do it. Now that you are aware you can shift it and have some fun with it.
Now that you are in the driver’s seat let’s put this story in the past and finally heal this glitch in your system.
From not being liked to loving like a spiritual warrior
Time to fill up your feeling Significant Tank without having to get anyone else’s approval.
Step one: Own your worth.
You are enough. Tell yourself this everyday. In the mirror, chat it or write it.
Not everyone will like you and you will not like everyone else.
This is just how life is.
Step two: Love like a spiritual warrior.
Is there someone you don’t “like”? Come on we all have them. This does not mean your are not spiritual.
(FYI: You may love everyone but not like them.)
You may even find them annoying or they get under your skin.
Step three: Give what you want to receive.
Now is the fun part. Take a deep breath. Feel the bottom of your heart.
Let it open, expand. Feel the love pouring out from your heart in all directions.
Last step: Raise your tolerance for who you don’t like.
See the person in your mind’s eye and open your heart to them.
Keep your open. Breathe.
Whatever you don’t “like” about them give love to it.
Then begin to find the humor in it.
Let it be present instead of pushing it aware of ignoring it.
If you can’t find humor in it, just say HA HA HA out loud.
I know it may seem silly. Try it and see.
Rinse and repeat.
You can use this for anyone you don’t like or what they do that you don’t like. See what shifts for you in your world around being liked. You may begin to notice you don’t really care as much.
I’m curious to know…
What the single most helpful strategy you’ve used to get past having everyone have to ‘like’ you. How have you dealt with your ego and it’s sneaky ways?
Tell me in the comments below so we can grow through this as a community.
AND If this post touched you please share this post with any women you know who would benefit from letting go of being liked by everyone.