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Life Lessons & Busting the “having it all” Myth

Hillary Rubin guest post for Rachael CookThis post is part of a movement – the Business That Loves You Back Blog Tour where 30 entrepreneurs share their raw and real insight into what it really looks like to build a business and life you love. They are game changers, rule breakers and the kind of thoughtful, soulful women that we can all learn from.

When I found out my friend and Breakthrough to Coaching Experience Speaker, Racheal Cook created this tour, I knew I had to be part of it because it pains me to see so many new coaches and entrepreneurs out there struggle thinking they are missing the secrets to having a life and business they love.

So here is what I believe is true when it comes to having it all in life and business. It’s RAW, REAL, and includes some things I’ve never shared before with useful tips you can use right away.


No matter what I had in my life I was focused on what I didn’t have. I wanted more, more, more. More clothes, more money, more friends, more opportunities, more classes to teach, more time, more, more, more…

For hours I would live in magazines and imagine having the life that was in those glossy pages. Everyone in those magazines, to me, had it all and I wanted that. This was a fantasy and a place that motivated me because I chased it for years until I learned wanting what others had or thinking someone has it all because it seems they do is crazy making.

I know I’m not alone in this way of being, and right now, as you read this I’m sure you know the feeling of wanting more in your life.

What’s your, “I want more of” right now?

I got all the “stuff I wanted more of,” and it didn’t make me happy and something had to give.

Can you relate?

My, “I want more” shifted into, I want to give more, make a bigger impact and know I’m destined to be more. It’s still a more and the focus was not on getting it was on giving. This was a totally different point of view and energy, and it  felt way better and more aligned with my soul.

The feeling of wanting to give more, make your mark in the world, is what translates to your contribution as a person on this planet. It’s so much healthier as a motivation.

You may have a job and it pays the bills, but you’re hungry for more. You have the stuff and you’re seeking to share with the world your unique gifts. Maybe you feel like you’re wasting your time and energy, and pretty much anyone could do the job you’re doing.

You’re not alone, and this is more normal these days.

You may even have an idea you’ve been dreaming to take action on, and you’re stopped by waiting until it’s perfect. Waiting to get the credentials or money, is holding you back from  really doing what it is you are here to do in the world.

I get it and I believe this is a blessing.

Being hungry with a fire in your belly can be your best friend. It becomes your motivation. Knowing you’re meant for more in life is great, using this to motivate you is a gift. Doing something about it without having to get it perfect is the challenge.

My life lesson from this is… Wanting more is a good motivation to start. Click to tweet…

Know the difference of wanting more stuff, verses wanting to use your potential, gifts and talents to do something more with your life.

Why I had to start working for myself.

I can answer this pretty easily, I was not a good employee. I was better at getting hired and fired than keeping the gig. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but now see this is what “having it all” is to me.

I knew working for myself was the way to go. I went out to get a job to be a PR director at the same time I enrolled to do a yoga teacher training, knowing ultimately the PR gig was to pay for my training. After a few years, a move to LA and beginning my teaching, I was fired. It was the sign that it was time to go for it.

After years of teaching, I knew I wanted to help my clients more deeply beyond the physical. I was helping them with their lives and careers and coaching was my “more”. I let it happen gradually, learned what I needed to learn and was pulled by my vision. I allowed myself to evolve, grow and “have it all” when it looked like I didn’t.

Today, I’m a mother, have my business and am working out this new way of being. When it was time for “more” it was about expanding my family. Now things are very different. It may seem like “I have it all” and I do, as do you.

My motivation has shifted around working for myself because now I do it to be with my son, to have the freedom to work when it works for me, and to have a schedule that supports the way I want to live. I am not in competition with anyone, not even myself. I’m allowing and being.

Today, this is what “having it all” means to me.

At times, I work long hours, late hours and other times I get to sleep in. The secret of working for yourself is you get to create a schedule for yourself. What a job does is give you structure, a paycheck — certainty.

Working for yourself gives you freedom and you have to hustle to make things happen. You create the structure to have certainty that supports the uncertainty that comes with working for yourself.

My life lesson from this is… Nothing happens overnight. Click to tweet…

Making the decision to work for yourself is empowering and can happen gradually. Having a side gig is great and helps to transition to working for yourself. As you change, your definition of “having it all” will change.

So, when things happen gradually or over time, does mean you don’t “have it all?”

NO! Big fat no!!!! This is B.S.

As a coach, working closely with people who on the outside looked like they “had it all,” I’ve learned that no one “has it all” per say because there are always places where we can improve.

This is life and can make it exciting or painful.

BUT there’s an even bigger myth to bust around “having it all.”

I believe we already “have it all.” Even if things are a mess, not pretty or a 10.

“Having it all” is not about perfection, it’s about using what you have and being happy with where you’re at, knowing you’re changing and more is always coming.

You don’t need to chase your dream, you get to have it now. It may not be in it’s fullest yet. First it starts as a small seed that is planted, and as it grows you begin to let things go that no longer support its growth. This an invitation to step into the more of who you are instead of having more.

It’s an invitation to give more of yourself to the world in the way only you are designed to. It’s an invitation to use what you have to motivate yourself to show up in the way your soul is asking you to.

The question is… Will you accept?

I want to know what “having it all” means to you and what life lessons you learned along the way to believe this.

And, if you’re just getting started with your business, I’d love to know, what is your motivation to start? Leaving a comment and let me know. This is how we can support each other on the road to success.

Sweet Soul, if you’ve ever felt alone on your journey or like you weren’t as far as you “should” be, I invite you to check out more of these real-life stories by joining the Business that Loves You Back Blog Tour. My friend and entrepreneur, Jenn Aubert, shared her story yesterday, and Casey Berglund is up sharing her journey tomorrow.

Your Angel of Fire,


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